There are some days when I get in the mood to cook, to try something new.  Friday night I had this “great” idea to make gnocchi (potato dumplings) for dinner.  Drew is studying for the CPA exam, and I thought it would be a nice treat to make a homemade meal for him.  Four hours later it wasn’t such a “great” idea…

Normally when making gnocchi you boil the potatoes and pass them through a vegetable mill, creating veggie spaghetti noodles if you will, but I didn’t have one.  This is pretty much where I should have turned back or bought a dang vegetable mill, but no.  Drew suggested we use a meat tenderizer to pound out the potatoes.  Yes, you can start laughing here.  Well a few minutes later potatoes are done and pealed and here I am unsuccessfully trying to pound out potatoes.  This was a terrible idea, some of the potatoes were mushed to oblivion and others were just chunks.  Getting even more frustrated because I am not even 1/8th the way through 3lbs of potatoes I think it just might work to use a citrus juicer to “squeeze” the potatoes out.  For your enjoyment I included a link so you can visualize the impending failure and mess that is on its way.  As you guessed, the juicer sure didn’t work… finally Drew comes out for a study break and I decide to ask if he has a cheese grater.  Thank God he did, the grader was working wonders for a while until… I managed to shave a chunk of my knuckle off.  Awesome, blood everywhere and no Band-Aids in the house.

This mess was building on one side of the kitchen while on the other I was making bacon and trying to roll out dough.  Imagine an entire 2 ft x 2 ft area covered in flour, potatoes, bacon and looking nothing like dough.  Below is the well I made of potatoes to mix in the egg.  This was the onset of another mess…

Eventually I am covered in mushy potatoes and trying to make actual dough.  Because I was not able to smash/squeeze/shred the potatoes into consistent parts the dough ended up being smooth/lumpy and an overall mess.  I managed to get flour all over the counter, the floor and me.

I eventually managed to make actual dumplings and got them into the water to cook.  While this disaster was happening I did make a great homemade Alfredo sauce.  In the end I was able to make two batches of the gnocchi, but not restaurant quality by any means.

Once I called Drew out for dinner I was laughing, on the verge of tears and begging him not to go into the kitchen.  The mess was terrifying. Drew ate it, whether or not he actually liked it I’m not sure.  By the time I got to actually cleaning the kitchen I was drinking wine straight out of the bottle.  Don’t judge, I know you all have done it at least once, and in my defense I already had enough dishes to clean.

Overall I made it through, but not without my fair share of battle wounds and frustrations.  It may be another 10 years before I brave this recipe, but from one amateur chef to another… don’t try this at home.